Everyone loves a secret yeah? So yay for sharing SECRETS today on the blog. When something is working, people are definitely working it, so we are happy that we can learn from PK and how he makes his marriage work…
Single or Married, there’s wisdom for everyone here…
SEVEN secrets of our marriage, preached by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo.
1. Commitment to God
A lot of young people never really consider the place of a strong relationship with God when approaching the issue of marriage. They never take into consideration the place of God, which is important if you are going to have a happy, long lasting marriage. A lot of people are in long suffering marriages. Marriages where both parties are not happy. That is not God's intent and best for us.
"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12
The third person here is God. It means you have an individual relationship with God. When you tie your relationship with God to something, that thing eventually becomes an idol. You start to worship it. We have a way of slacking in our commitment to God, when we have the thing, that brought us to God. We were both close to God as individuals before we met. We both knew God and had a personal, working relationship with Him before we met. There are too many arrangements these days. People wanting to get married to someone with the motive of changing them. You need to understand that you cannot change anyone. If that was possible then by now, you should have changed all the sinners in the world. No human being can change another person. Even as an individual, it is difficult to change yourself let alone another human. When a man comes into a relationship thinking he will change the woman and the woman comes into the relationship thinking she will change the man, both of them will end up getting disappointed because their expectations were not met.
A lot of people ask, how do you know a serious Christian?
This question is synonymous to asking how do you know a Nigerian?
It takes a Nigerian to know another Nigerian. Similarly, it takes a serious Christian to know another serious Christian. If you are growing in the things of the spirit, you can tell a serious Christian when you see them. You can tell someone who is ruled by traditions and someone who is ruled by the word. Marriage is spiritual, God started marriage not man, culture or tradition. Marriage takes two spiritually mature people to run and enjoy. All the requirements needed to be a Christian is what you need for marriage. As a Christian, the word says you should forgive people that offend you. If you have been practicing this as a single, it will not be hard for you to forgive your spouse in marriage.
Marriage is not to be done by two people that don't care, it should be done by two people who are living by and committed to doing God's word. As a woman, the Bible says submit, this means you must marry a man that you can submit to, a man that you trust his wisdom, judgement and love for you. As a man, you should marry a woman that is submissive, a woman that respects you.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Ephesians 5:22
When God asks you to love your wife here, he wasn't talking about romance, he was talking about commitment. As a man you should be committed to your wife. Put her first. Cherish her and nourish her. Understand her needs and respond to it accordingly.
Also learn to correct her. A big part of love is correction. Don't pamper your wife. Love her nourish her, cherish her, but don't pamper her. When she errs, correct her. Weak leadership is inability to correct your wife because of how you think she will feel. Correct her if you need to.
2. We decided that we will have a quarrel free marriage
One of the first attack the devil deals you is to tell you that, there are no quarrel free marriages. The moment you are expecting problems, you will have problems. The reason there are bad marriages is because the people in the marriage, anticipated a bad marriage. So when the quarrel and fights started, they felt it was normal. Just because the people around you have a bad marriage, doesn't mean, you have to have a bad marriage. Their experience is not the law. Renew your mind with the word. You can have A QUARREL FREE MARRIAGE.
Don't accept the experiences of others over the word. You can have the marriage of your dreams.
"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." Proverbs 18:22
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor" Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews 13:4
We both decided early on in our relationship that we will have a quarrel free marriage. We saw that it was in the word and we decided to do the word.
3. Both of us were givers
We both were crazy givers as individuals. Giving is so important because in marriage the main thing you will be doing is giving. Being a giver means you have dealt with stinginess and greed. Giving is so important. In marriage, you will not always be in the mood, there are times you will not feel like cooking but you will have to do it. There are times, you will not feel like having sex but you will have to do it. If he is stingy to his siblings, he will be stingy to you. Watch out for the giver.
4. Both of us heard God before getting married
Nowadays, people use God as a talisman, as a charm. People are now mechanical and social, they don't see the place of being led by the spirit.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your understanding, in all your ways acknowledge God and He will direct your path."
Don't wait till marriage before you hear God. Start practicing being led by God in little things before marriage.
5. We both have a family vision
"The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them." Genesis 11:6
Apart from having a passion for helping others, we both decided that we wanted our marriage to inspire others. We both wanted our family to be a role model. Having a family vision, transcends building a house and buying a car, we both have a vision that will outlast us. A vision that is greater than us
6. We are both friends
We are friends first before husband and wife. We both enjoy friendship with each other. My wife is my friend, I can tell her anything and she can tell me anything. In marriage, there is nothing like privacy.
"And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Genesis 2:25
There is so much pretense today in marriage and that is because a lot of couples didn't start out as friends, they both wanted marriage and so they were both trying to impress each other. Get to know the person you want to marry, don't just announce your desire to marry first to the woman. Get to know her. Cultivate a friendship. Don't look for a wife and make her your friend, look for a friend and make her your wife.
7. We both decided we will always be open to each other
We both decided that we will make our home comfortable enough for us to talk and be open to each other. In my experience with counseling married couples, I have noticed that some women are afraid of their husbands. Some are afraid to even report their husbands to his pastor or mentor. So many homes are hostile environments where one party or even both cannot talk. Women especially have that tendency to keep things in. Their husbands offend them and they believe that just by frowning their face, he will get the message. Men are not like that. They are very naive and clueless about a lot of things relationship inclined. You need to open up. Men read newspapers not minds. Women, please open up and talk. When you like something say it, when you don’t, also say it. That communication will help you and save you a lot of stress.
I hope you were blessed by that! I certainly was! Please call the number below to order your own CD.
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