The 3 KINDS OF LOVE every couple needs

The 3 KINDS OF LOVE every couple needs by Pastor Kingsley

Anchor Scripture: Genesis 18:19


1. Marriage is God’s original weapon for shaping this world. It is the first institution that God created. He has more faith in it than even in the church. This is why the devil is very particular about destroying marriages.

2. Love cannot be defined. It is like trying to define God. It is a word that is very broad in meaning and application, but is quite limited by English language. You can only describe love. And in the original language of the New Testament, Greek, it has several meanings and applications.

3. All your dating decisions today have a way of shaping your marriage tomorrow.

4. Sex in God’s mind is the original way God planned for marriages to be established. As far as God is concerned, until two people sleep together, they are not yet married.


1. EROS:
Eros is the Greek word for erotic. It is a love that characterised by overwhelming attraction, emotions, sensuality, excitement and romance. It is the I-can’t-live-without-you-kind-of-love.
Eros is passionate, emotional, romantic and very sensual. It is very vital in a marriage relationship, and must be fed and sustained through out the lifetime of the marriage.
This kind of love usually kickstarts romantic relationships. It makes people go overboard for others in acts of love.
It is the love that a woman needs.

The downside of this love is that makes you like everything about the person. You don’t see any faults or any weaknesses. When in eros, your partner is perfect in your eyes.

Every woman likes to hear sweet things about her beauty, her manners, her resourcefulness and her awesomeness from her man. She would like him to make sacrifices to just spend quality time with her as he did when he wooed her.

And men tend to naturally log out of this kind of love a few years after they have wed the woman. They simply get tired of it.

Now, the natural man would normally lose the physical attraction he has for his wife after a few years of marriage.

This is why as a single Christian woman, you cannot afford to negotiate or compromise marrying a godly man. We are not just talking about a ‘God-fearing’ man. In our days, God-fearing man has come to mean, an unbeliever or a church goer who manages to acknowledge God in some areas of his life. No. You need to marry a man who is a totally new being in Christ, lives by God’s word and serves wholeheartedly in church.

Sadly, romantic love has been corrupted to mean only sexual love in today’s world. It has now been abused. This is established by the biggest lie of Satan on earth that sex is just biology; an act. No. Sex is a covenant. It is very spiritual as it is physical and emotional. It joins two people together and makes them one.

It therefore follows that once you say, ‘I do’, you should beware of exes. Especially the ones you have had sex with. Major adulteries committed in marriage are with exes. Literally delete them from your lives.
1 Corinthians 6:16.



This is the love we have for our very very close friends. And a couple needs this love so much. Phileo is one step higher and stronger than Eros. It is a friendship or the buddy-kind of love.
Here, you learn to understand each other. You know the his weaknesses but you are ok with it. Just the way you are with your close female friends.
Phileo keeps the bond between you and your spouse even when you may no longer be attracted physically to each other any more.

Phileo is the love a man needs.

Every woman must learn to give this love to her husband.
A guy doesn’t want to hang out with his lover all day because he is clueless as to how to keep her engaged romantically all day long.

But, he will hang out with his buddies all the time. This is because their isn’t any romantic expectations or drama from them. He can be his fun self with them.

Men like to play. And to play effectively, you need your friend. Be his friend.
Learn to discuss the things that he likes, and not always what you like.

Dear lady, after the initial attraction, you need to become your man’s friend.

Get a mentor in marriage. The older Christian woman who will coach you through developing phileo for your man.
TITUS 2:3‭-‬5

Develop an interest in what your husband is interested in. Show solidarity. If he likes cars, like cars. If he is passionate about football, get informed on those. You just might like it too.

Train your children, but Love your husband. And never invert this order.
Be mindful, to get out of your own way, Sis.
Don’t be too emotional and touchy.
Too many emotional outbursts and neediness will send your husband far away from you.

You can start now to develop emotional maturity before you say I do.
Focus on what is important.
Learn to overlook some things.


This is the selfless and giving love. It is not based on emotions. It is a conscious decision of the will to love someone in spite of their behaviour towards us.

As a natural person, you don’t have the equipment to give agape to anyone.
You need God to exercise agap, and that is what the Holy Spirit is in us for.
Agape is the ultimate kind of love that you need to thrive in every relationship. God expects us to live by choice and to be responsible for our love. It depends on your will not on your feel.
You are loving the way God loves. Agape loves when it is unreasonable, unlovable, difficult and impossible to love naturally. It even loves your enemy. God doesn’t love us based on His mood or how we are behaving.
1 Corinthians 13 describes agape love vividly.
Agape is based on commitment. It faithfully serves when it doesn’t want to or feel like it.Agape love is self-denying.
Eros and Phileo is self-demanding.
Sex outside marriage is you getting pleasure.
Sex inside marriage is you giving pleasure.
Ephesians 5:25 refers to
All malice is from two proud people.

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