Preparing for Marriage
Preparing to get married? This message is for YOU.
Know anyone preparing for marriage? Please point them in this direction.
Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo breaks this topic down to very understandable smithereens, on a foundation of the Word of course.
Jump right in…
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.”
If you are planning to get married, it is important you are prepared.
One of the major causes of divorce is lack of preparation. Divorce, defined in simple terms is two people starting a race and are unable to finish it. If there is anything we need to prepare for in life, marriage is one of it. A lot of people prepare for the wedding but hardly prepare for the marriage. The wedding is NOT the marriage. Adequate preparation will make you perform better in marriage. Marriage is no child’s play, you need to prepare. A lot of singles have some conceptions about marriage that when they eventually do get married, they will be shocked.
The media paints a lot of funny pictures of what marriage is, they paint all sort of sweet stories. Not to say these stories are wrong but they are incomplete, they don’t give the full picture of what marriage is. Marriage is demanding, it will require you to step out of your comfort zone. You have to let go of some mind sets and habits. Marriage will challenge your old ways of thinking.
1 Corinthians 7:28
“But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.”(KJV)
” I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.” (MSG)
As a single you do a lot of things and just get by with it because you are independent. You have the luxury of making decisions for yourself and generally doing things with just you in mind. In marriage it won’t be the same, you become interdependent, you don’t make decisions without consulting your partner first, you have to now be more careful of what you do, how you spend, because it is not just about you, there is someone in the picture now so you can’t afford to think about just you. As a woman, marriage means you are now under somebody’s authority, you can’t run off and do things without permission, as a man, you are now responsible for someone; you cannot make decisions that will endanger or cause the other person pain/discomfort. You have to be more considerate and thoughtful.
As challenging and as demanding as marriage is, it doesn’t mean you have to have a troubled marriage. This is one of the tricks of the devil; he sells the wrong beliefs to you.
Every marriage has challenges, don’t expect your marriage to work
MARRIAGE IS NOT A BAD THING AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A TROUBLED MARRIAGE.
What you accept in your mind is what you expect and that is why it is very important you have the right mind set and perspective towards marriage. The moment you allow the devil talk you into believing the wrong things about marriage, you begin to aspire to a mediocre marriage. You begin to convince yourself that your marriage doesn’t have to be great, it doesn’t have to be excellent as long as you are married and you and your partner are not fighting then all is well. It is possible to have a GREAT marriage. It is possible to have a marriage worthy of emulation, that you don’t fight in your marriage doesn’t mean your marriage has to be mediocre and just ordinary.
What you believe really really matters, you need to keep renewing your mind daily with the truth of God’s word and what He has said concerning marriage. If you believe that a great marriage is possible because the word said so and you are willing to work towards it becoming a reality for you then you will get it. Don’t pay attention to those who say it is not possible. A man that beats and slaps his wife will definitely tell you that slapping and beating is a normal part of marriage and you have to do it too. In life, people reduce their failures by generalizing it and encouraging others to fail with them.
“Men beat their wives”
“There is no money in Nigeria”
“Women are promiscuous”
Failure in every aspect of life doesn’t have to be true for you. If you are willing to correct your mind set and then work towards achieving the best out of life, you will get it.
One important thing singles need to understand is that marriage is more about giving rather than receiving. When you see people rushing to get married, usually they are going in to receive rather than give. Many people are preparing to receive rather than give. You have to start preparing yourself emotionally to give. Some people have high expectations with low preparation. No human being is going to be all in all for you. Don’t expect to receive what only God can give you from a man. When you begin to look to your spouse as your all in all, beginning and end, your source, you will get disappointed because whenever a man is elevated to the position of God he will always do poorly. It is only God that can fulfill all your desires. Your husband will not listen to you all the time, at times he may be tired, at times he just may not be in the mood or may be uninterested; only God will listen to you all the time.
“This is God’s Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as God: Call on me at anytime and I will listen..”
Only God can be EVERYTHING to you at ALL TIMES. No human being can, that is too much pressure to put on one human being. Some women believe their husband will give them joy always. Your husband cannot give you joy, he may be a source of joy and he can make you happy, very happy in some cases but ONLY God gives joy.
“The joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Even if your husband is a comedian, he can’t be funny twenty four hours of the day. Don’t hold him to a standard only God can meet. A lot of people get into marriage clueless and so they get surprised when events starts to unfold. Most women for instance, are surprised they have to cook everyday. Singles, single ladies, please learn how to cook now, practice now, you will have kids in the future and kids eat, so cooking is a skill you should have and will help you greatly in marriage.
Some things you need to look out for while preparing for marriage
- Emotional maturity.
Emotional maturity is a life skill everyone needs. The ability to detach from your parents is important. Detaching doesn’t mean neglecting your parents. It means the ability to make decisions independent of their influence. Decisions that when you make, they can respect it even if they do not agree. If you are still overly attached to your parents, please do not get married.
“Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.”
What this scripture means is that you must leave your old family to cleave to this new home. This your new home is not a continuation of the old home so you cannot transfer everything from there, here. Tradition is not what you should build your home on because traditions change; instead build your home on the word of God. The word of God doesn’t waver or change and is always right. Emotional maturity is so key in preparing for marriage. You cannot afford to be a baby. Some people are trying to build their marriage/life on the wrong things.
“You need to have a Masters degree”
Why?? Does a Masters degree guarantee a good marriage?
“You need to always appear corporate; wear a tie and a suit, people that wear jeans look somehow”
Why?? Does appearing corporate means he is unserious?
“You need to be a banker”
Why? Does being a banker guarantee success and financial security in marriage?
“You must wake up 5am everyday, if you don’t then it means you are not serious” Why? Who said 5am is THE time serious people wake up?
Don’t attach too much \ importance to things that are trivial. Concentrate on the basics.-The belief system, value system and more. Yes you should aim to make your partner better and improve in certain areas but some things are just trivial, let it go. Let your spouse be an individual, don’t try to make them be like you. Let him/her be. Also, don’t try to change your partner, it is only God that can change a person.
- Don’t act desperate
How you behave when the person shows up is so important. Be nice but don’t be cheap. Some women have a problem.in drawing the line. Men are uncomfortable with being chased. As a woman when you start showering him with gift and attention, you call him all the time, you send him text messages all the time, he becomes uncomfortable. Men are not used to too much attention. Do go overboard. Be nice but don’t be cheap. There is a difference between being virtuous are being foolish. Don’t cross the lines.
- Improve the quality of your spirituality
A lot of people go to church, that doesn’t mean they are spiritual. Spirituality is measured by how much of the Holy Spirit, you allow find expression through you. As a woman don’t compromise your godly and holy standards because of anyone. Improve yourself spiritually. Let your character reflect your Christian virtues. Pray, fast, study the word. These are disciplines that help you grow spiritually.
- Prepare Financially
The responsibility of provision shouldn’t lie solely on the man. It should be mutual. God intended marriage to be a partnership and that includes finances too. Marriage is not using someone as a cheap way to get out of poverty, so whether you are a man or a woman, prepare financially before you get married.
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We would also love for you to fellowship with us at DAVID’S CHRISTIAN CENTRE
Our service times are
Mainland (Fatgbems Filling station bus stop, Amuwo Odofin, Lagos)
Sundays 7.30 and 9am
Island (Elegushi Bus stop, 3rd round about, lekki)
Sundays 10 am
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We cannot wait to hear from you…
Till next time, please say this COVENANT we have out loud with us,
AS DAVID NEVER LOST A BATTLE, SO WILL GOD’S WALK WITH ME BE…